Thank you for your candid revelations! You took a great risk revealing the personal
aspects of your childhood, upbringing, relationship struggles and marriage.
It is not all easy reading because you were so frank.
I believe your union is typical of so many other couples.
The difference between them and you is that you chose to consciously break down the facades
so many cling to for their self-esteem...the material goods,
career success and PRIDE... and you revealed the "real spirits"
beneath...with all of your humanity exposed. That was a very
courageous and gutsy thing to have done! Lynette
****************************
UNBREAKABLE'S
TWENTY PLUS CLUB
The TWENTY PLUS CLUB are couples who have been married for twenty years or longer.
In the new book UNBREAKABLE couples share a
few of the reasons their relationships have lasted so long.
While reading their comments, you will notice that several of them encourage the same values,
love and communication standards! When I first thought of sharing the success of other
couples who've had lasting marriages, I couldn't find many I personally knew.
However, the more I thought, the more I found. Now, I share the thoughts from a small
few of my friends with the world to show that long lasting love does exist with hard work,
time and patience. So couples, look upon couples like these who offer positive words
of advice to help give you long lasting success in your marriages and relationships.
Greg and I salute these couples and others who follow their footsteps on their achievement,
because we know that anything worth keeping, is not always easy.
We also wish them many, many more years of happiness, success and love.
Continue being that ray of light which inspires others that true love
does exist and it's not just made for fairy tales.
Greg and Toi Moore - June 16, 1984 - Married 22 Years and still counting
****************************************************************
Gaylord & Joan Larson - May 02, 1953 - Married for 53 Years
Gaylord - Be friends first. Marry your best friend. If you can't get along before
you're married it will be tough afterward. Always be content with what you have.
Joan - Compromise, put other's needs first and, and don't be selfish. Have low worldly expectations.
Appreciate what God has given you.
**********************************************************************
Jim and Juanita Harrell - March 15, 1954 - Married for 52 Years
We've learned to keep others out of our business as being the best advice.
Also, hang in there by keeping your nose to the grindstone.
**********************************************************************************
Lorenzo & Daisy Boyd - August 18, 1955 - Married 51 Years
1.) Do not be afraid to say I'm sorry or I made a mistake, or I was wrong.
2.) Be willing to 'give up' on items that the other person feels strongly about.
Discuss, but do not become unmoving.
3.) Find time to go out frequently for entertainment together and
schedule family vacations and picnics.
4.) When I leave home in the morning, I always kiss my spouse.
I don't know for sure that we are going to see each other in the evening.
What I hope is that the spouse would be there to kiss me upon my return
(to show that I was missed and it's good to see me again).
5.) Be on top of significant special days (birth, anniversary, mom/dad, xmas).
6.) Be courteous to one another and make appreciative remarks.
7.) Ladies should Mind Their Own Business, time spent taking care of
your business is time out of other peoples business.
8.) Be big enough to listen to other opinions, you're not the smartest person in the world.
**************************************************************************************************
Reggie & Mary Dozier - Married for 45 years
1.) Compromise - think about your partners needs - don't always try to have things your way.
2.) Don't run away from an argument - face the problem and deal with the situation.
****************************************************************************************
Steve and Rosemarie Solomon - May 06, 1962 - Married for 44 Years
Avoid conflict, comprise, and compress your ego.
***********************************************************************************
Robert & La Flora Williams - January 3, 1961 - Married for 41 Years
A few of the most important things in our marriage is to spend time
together and always court each other, being affectionate every day, communication,
going out on a date, give love notes, go out on special dinners, and make him or her your best friend.
*********************************************************************************************
Barbara & Leo Gomez - September 19, 1965 - Married for 41 years.
He has always supported me in my business and everything I want to do to help better myself.
I have always let him do whatever he needs to enjoy his life, even if it is something
I do not do myself {like walking in the mall}. ha ha.
************************************************************************
Flo & Bill Parrott - October 09, 1971 - Married for 35 Years
Perseverance, Kids, Tolerance, and Humor. Bill says, Scotch!
********************************************************************************************
Michael and Veronica Green - November 03, 1973 - Married for 34 Years
We held on to our marriage vows very seriously. We did whatever we
had to do to keep our family together. We did/do anything to reach our peak that God as set for us.
****************************************************************************
Doris and Bill Peoples - January 06, 1972 - Married for 34 Years
1.) put god first, when things go the way of the world;
pray for his guidance and wait on god's answer.
2.) realize every one is different, it takes time to half way know some one.
3.) keep your own separate bank account and let him know from the beginning that is
your way of keeping your independence.
4.) never depend solely on your mate.
5.) know how to take care of your self and your children,
so if something happens to your mate you can handle the day to day necessities
in your life with out learning something new when your grieving.
6.) know what makes your mate happy, not what you think but what you know
from experience will bring a genuine smile and feeling that " she loves me"
7.) never go to sleep or out of town without speaking.
8.) always be able to say your sorry .
9.) don't let him sleep on the couch after an argument
or sleep the while night on the couch.
( he may get use to it )
10.) say "I love you" for no reason, just to remind him that you do.
11.) give respect. The kind that you both know works for you and he.
12.) never let a mate control you. Only god can do that.
13.) remember you don't have to always give a verbal comment when he
says something that's not always exactly the way it is.
14.) laugh at yourself and with him.
15.) talk just to talk.
16.) do little things for him and have him do little things for you ie:"
hey, come here I want to show you something."
17.) do as many things together as you can.
18.) sometimes just stare at him with a twinkle in your eye.
19.) praise him when he does something nice or when you think
about something he did in the past that runs across your mind.
20.) don't be afraid to argue. However, no low blows.
******************************************************************************************
Bob & Lynette Grande - August 11, 1973 - Married for 33 Years
I have always believed our marriage was ordained and blessed by
God as a sign of his indiscriminate love for mankind.
We are an interracial couple who dated and married in the tumultuous, racially-charged "sixties".
Our relationship was rejected by some. We went on to become parents of
a son born with Down Syndrome and defied the odds (and advise)
by having a daughter two years later born with no anomaly.
I was diagnosed with cancer.
How did we stick together through the adversity?
FAITH, HOPE and LOVE! FAITH in God to handle everything
in his own way and time,
HOPE that he would sustain us through each trial and LOVE
for each other and from so many others.
We have enjoyed mutual respect, supported each other and truly believed in
sharing everything along the way including household duties, childcare,
expenses, joys and burdens. Bob has been proud and supportive of my
demanding career as an educator. I have appreciated his willingness
to keep the home fires burning in my absence. He is a wonderful,
energetic, generous, kind-hearted, one-of-a-kind soul!
One significant blessing in our years together was the opportunity to meet
Motown's Temptations including their musicians and support staff.
As performers and now friends, their presence along our marriage
path always gave us something delicious to savor and anticipate...adding spice to our life!
We have experienced their support and love through good times and bad.
I challenge those considering marriage to find a best friend and then marry him/her.
The friendship is what marriage is all about.
************************************************************************************************
Wanda & Melvin Scruggs - April 17, 1976 - Married for 30 Years
Melvin and I have been married for 29 years and we still love each other.
One secret I will stand on is keeping Christ first in your marriage.
Praying together adds intimacy and closeness to any marriage.
As long as we listen to God, obey him and do the things that please God,
He'll take care of the things that concern us, be it marriage, children, careers, etc.
Another secret is to have a date night no matter how long you've been married.
Mel and I try to go out together at least once a week even if it's to dinner and a movie.
We love to vacation together and it is also beneficial to have similar interests.
With both of us being musicians, we still play together....it's just fun!!!
God has blessed us and our children and we are eternally grateful.
***************************************************************************************
Tony and Denise Bulluck - March 30, 1977 - Married 29 Years
We first got to know each other. Then opened up in the relationship and talked,
which took a 5 to 10 year process.
She taught him how to be open, talk and let things go, becoming soul-mates.
************************************************************************************
Victor and Tina Hall - July 02, 1977 - Married for 29 Years
Most feel Love & Trust; however, my experience tells me three important factors with that are
FRIENDSHIP, SPACE and COMPROMISE.
You love and trust your parents; however, when you want to make
your own rules, it time for you to move. You love and trust your children,
however when they are grown, they want to make their own rules,
at that point it's time for them to move.
The friendship is the glue. With your friends often times we are more flexible,
however with your spouse we tend to not bend and we think it's too hard or too much work.
A good spouse is worth the ongoing effort. Lots of things, physical,
mind-set and priority will change from the beginning years,
so if you haven't developed a solid friendship you may not have much to hold on to.
Toi the #1 thing that can be a cancer in your marriage is debt and financial
problems is the worst. It will destroy the happiest of marriages.
Sorry Toi if I rambled. You can use part, all, if you feel it's relates, it's my true feeling.
The bottom line A Good Marriage takes work, lots of work and it is worth it.
I am truly blessed that Victor is my friend, remembering that friends don't always see eye to eye.
***************************************************************************************************
Reggie and Monica Wakefield - July 30, 1977 - Married 29 Years
Monica says:
1.) It takes two people to understand that life has it's ups and down's, but you can't quit.
2.) Always be able to talk to each other good, or bad.
3.) Never go to be mad.
4.) Always tell your spouse you love them every night before you go to bed if you can.
Reggie says:
1.) Learn to listen to your spouse, you do not have to agree but listen anyway.
2.) Being a man in marriage means you understand that you are in charged with her blessings.
3.) Leave your ego in the driveway.
4.) Find a way to offset each others weaknesses and strengths.
5.) Learn not to answer questions when there is no right answer.
6.) Married is a word, commitment is for life, make it work.
*****************************************************************************************
Verdine and Mashelle Clark White aka Shelly - December 31, 1979 - Married 26 Years
I believe the reason our relationship has been holding strong for so many years is
largely due to the fact that we started as platonic friends, we didn't realize it
then but it gave us a tremendous advantage. We worked together and dated
without sex for one year ...it gave us time to build a foundation and get to
know each others minds, hearts and souls.....
it was friendship and trust first which eventually helped
us become true partners and soul mates in life.
Your book will be instrumental in helping singles and couples of all walks of life.
There is nothing like the testimonies of "true life encounters" to help people get
thru trying times. Relationships need nurturing and constant work...
as couples change mentally and emotionally from year to year....
your book will help define the "4 c's" which is necessary for a successful
relationship.....communication, consideration, consistency and commitment.
************************************************************************
Ralph and Susie Johnson - June 23, 1979 - Married 27 Years
First we truly believe we're soul-mates. We are both very independent and
we allow ourselves our freedom/space, which brings us that much closer together,
we are very secure with ourselves and our relationship which doesn't allow the
"Drama" as you will, get in our way. One thing we don't do is try to change one another,
if he or she isn't what you wanted in the first place then why get married!
Also "Communication", sense of humor and we're friends.
P.S. He also cooks & cleans....
**************************************************************************
Stanley and Ivy Westmoreland - September 01, 1979 - Married 27 Years
1. Trust and guidance
2. Communication and honesty
3. Allow each other freedom and individual choices
4. Agreement on financial matters and goals
5. Respect for each others differences in personalities
***********************************************************************
Gerald and Glynis Albright - June 9, 1981 - Married for 25 Years
Gerald and Glynis Albright have been married for over 24 years and together for over 33 years.
They are junior high school sweethearts and loving it. The number one reason for their successful
marriage is communication.
There is no better way to do it -- talk, talk and talk.
*********************************************************************************
Terry and Cathleen Jackson - June 03, 1982 - Married 24 Years
Staying true to your vows. Dedication to the relationship.
************************************************************************************
Michele & Alan Doward - March 16 1983 - Married for 23 years.
1.) One vital piece of information my Mother never told me was "What you see
is what you get". There really is no way to change the basic model you
marry. If they are messy then, they will be messy at 80. If they flirt at
25, they will still flirt (probably with less success) at 55.
2.) Don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles carefully. Both will
be much happier in the long run if they understand each other's priorities.
3.) Positive reinforcement truly does work!!
******************************************************************************************
James and Betty Daniels - April 07, 1983- Married for 23 Years
Being married this long involves a lot of give and take, a lot of prayer and
a need to always give each other a chance to be themselves. No matter how
many years together everyone needs to maintain their own individualism and to
remember that this is what attracted us to that other person initially.
*******************************************************************************************
Lekili & Alan Hubbard - June 19, 1983 - Married for 23 Years
1) Compromise, mutual respect for each other, an attraction for the person you're with.
2) Understanding - we have found that by understanding how the other person thinks,
helps you understand why they do what they do and you won't take things personally.
3) Communication is also an important issues. By being about to talk to your
mate helps work things out. However, choosing the right time to
talk is very important. You should choose a good time to talk so that they're ready to talk,
not just when you're ready to talk. You should make sure that they're mentally
there when you want to talk to them so your conversation means more.
***************************************************************************************************
David and Jacqueline Bonaparte - June 03, 1983 - Married for 23 Years
The same thing that pissed me off 22 years ago still pisses me off today.
Oh well, you just have to get over it.
What's the point of holding on to it? You know you're not leaving.
Also, never go to bed angry at each other,
it's wasted energy that's not healthy for the relationship.
******************************************************************************************
Freida and William "Billy" Morris - April 28, 1984 - Married for 22 years
1.) Communication - never go to bed angry, always communicate with one another
2.) Leave family and friends out of your affairs
3.) Never leave your partner in a crisis (illness etc. - help him/her through it 100%)
4.) Continue to keep the flame burning / romance as though
it was the first time meeting one another
5.) Have God in your life
6.) Continue to give each other freedom to breathe -
don't stop allowing one another to enjoy living.
7.) Pray together
8.) Have an understanding of each person's responsibilities in the relationship,
in other words, don't expect someone to be your mother or father,
or expect someone to cook, do chores,
handle the kids and work a full time job when there is no participation on your part.
9.) Set family goals
10.) Have a family emergency evacuation plan
11.) Enjoy one another
12.) Continue to keep your appearance up
*****************************************************************************************************
Marc St. Louis and Patrice Rushen - January 04, 1986 - Married for 20 Years
Our relationship continues to be strong because we have learned how important
it is to be able to say 'I'm sorry' and really, really mean it.
*************************************************************************
VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR!
THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS. ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOUR WORDS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND INSPIRE ME DEEPLY! ALSO KNOW THAT YOUR WORDS HELP ME TO KEEP, KEEPING ON THE PATH OF FULFILLING MY DREAM AND MY PASSION AS A WRITER.
THANK YOU FOR THAT ENCOURAGEMENT!
TO ALL OF THE WOMEN AND MEN WHO FIND THEMSELVES IN A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SITUATION, KNOW THAT HELP IS RIGHT AT YOUR FINGERTIPS. DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENS. CALL AND GET HELP TODAY! AUTHORITIES DO LISTEN AND THE LAWS HAVE CHANGED TO HELP VICTIMS! THERE ARE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CENTERS THAT CAN HIDE AND/OR PROVIDE PROTECTIVE SHELTERS FOR THOSE WHO DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO GO! THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE IS ONE CENTER: (800) 799- SAFE (7233). DON'T BE A VICTIM OR ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE IN A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SITUATION LIKE LA VONNE. GET HELP NOW! THERE ARE 24 HOUR HELP HOTLINES LISTED IN THE BACK OF "MOMMA, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" SO, STOP THE ABUSE AND GET HELP TODAY!
SINCERELY, TOI MOORE
*************************************
1/21/2005 1:35:37 A.M. Pacific Standard Time
Powerful, stimulating, captivating, I couldn't put it down until I finished every morsel. If you've never experienced domestic violence before, you will get a quick education on how terrifying this sickness can be. Toi, takes you on a tumultuous ride to the point where you want to come to LaVonne's rescue then in the sequel to "Momma, Please Forgive Me," "Mind Games," she puts yet another twist on the outcome that her readers truly will not want to miss.
Reggie
***********************************
12/29/2004 9:58:25 A.M. Pacific Standard Time
Hey Mrs. Lady,
Just thought I would send you an e-mail to first of all say HEY!
Secondly, to let you know that I have just finished your first book Momma Please Forgive Me.
I must say, I have never read a book from cover to cover with such anticipation. It was awesome to see how the story was unfolding, page by page. I thoroughly enjoyed my journey through the complicated life of LaVonne Brown. She was truly an extraordinary lady...Her strength very compelling. To see her struggle with not only being incarcerated physically, but emotionally as well as mentally, was something that I know, on a good day would be a challenge for the strongest person..
I am just in awe of how all of this was bought out of you...
Just from talking with you and spending time with you,
you would never guess that in a million years that all of that was going on in your mind!
I am excited about reading Mind Games,
I look forward to what lies ahead in this next saga...
Talk to you soon,
Kryss
******************************************
January 5, 2005
To Mrs. Toi Moore,
Hi Toi, this is just a little note from Tangye. I met you at the luncheon at the Holiday Inn, in Moreno Valley December 16, 2004. You gave me your book, Momma, Please Forgive Me! as a special gift, and I won a copy of Mind Games. I must really say that I enjoyed both of your books. I started reading them as soon as I got home that day. Toi, your books are the bomb! Once I started reading, I could not put them down, especially Mind Games. Boy, you got down on that one because it really, really, really had my mind going. So I just want to say thank you for the books and keep up the good work.
I look forward in reading more from you.
Thank you, Tangye
PS. The sky is our limit!
*****************************************
4/25/2002 9:29:26 AM Pacific Daylight Time
I read your book, and I loved it! I could not put it down. I read it in between studying for my bachelors degree. People thought I was studying, but truthfully, I was reading your book. I was so caught up in every word. I read it from cover to cover, within a couple of hours, give or take a few. I thought that the words you used kept me intrigued and anxious for the next page. The domestic violence was something that happened in my past, which brought back a lot of my bad childhood memories. This book, I believe can and will show women that we should not wait and take the abuse from our men, our husbands and our boyfriends, especially if children are involved. Toi, you hit the nail right on the head with this book. I can't wait till your next book. You are right up there with terry and Rosalyn Mcmillan.
Good book, thanks for signing it for me, good luck. Tina
*************************************
4/24/2002 1:51:35 PM Pacific Daylight Time
Ms. Moore, I have been intending on writing you and have been putting it on the back burner for some weeks now. Some months ago you sent our Book Social a complimentary issue of your book. For the first time since our existence we had not met for 3 months. During this time I started a new job as well as enrolled in school. Your book sat on the side of my bed (looking at me from the floor everyday). I had not even noticed that it was gone and one day my 14 year old daughter came in and said,"Mom have you read this book?" I told her that I had not had the opportunity yet. She said that she did not go to bed until 3am reading that book. (She is not a reader) She finished it the very next day. Now, I was afraid of what was in the book that would keep her attention until 3am on a school night.(smile) Then I thought about it and I too at an early age was very intrigued by books that may not have been age appropriate material, but it did create a love and a fascination for books for me. I meet with my book social this Saturday and although I have not yet read the book I'm going to suggest it as one of our summer reads.
Look forward to our order.
God Bless You Richly La Tonya Ward Founder, Soulful Sista's Detroit, Michigan
**********************************
4/23/2002 6:45:30 AM Pacific Daylight Time
Tell us your thoughts on the author, or, on her new book; MOMMA, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!:
I'm sitting here at work and a friend sent me your website. As I started reading the beginning of "Momma, please forgive me," I had to catch my breath and let out a big exhale. I saw myself....It was if I were right there...As if that story was about my life. Share your thoughts, or concerns on domestic violence!: I live in a domestic violence relationship. What is so awful, I left my ex husband three years ago for the same reason. This time, I stepped deep into a burning flame.
People ask me why I stay. One reason is..I have to give him all of my money. I'm only left with about $30.00. He is not working right now and the mortgage is behind. If I don't give him money then he threatens to throw me out on the street. I have two children who are with my mother in another state, and she has no clue as to what kind of a relationship that I am in. Thank God! My daughter until this day doesn't like her father (My ex husband). She was the one hiding behind the door, as she heard me screaming for the hitting to stop. I remember her peeking behind the door saying "mommie are you ok?" She was only three years old.
She is now thirteen. She doesn't know that the man who I am now living with for the past three 1/2 years is worse than her daddy was. This man has broken my rib, fractured my jaw, whipped me with an Iron Cord, caused me to have Internal Bleeding, covered my body with bruises and has even brought another woman into MY home and videotaped having sex with her. After the devastation of finding the video and wanting him out of my house, I gave into the pleadings of forgiveness, and by his flowers and emotional apologies. Now, I live in his home. I have to pay for most of everything while his mother pays for the rest, so that he can still drive his fancy car. She even buys his clothes, paid several mortgage payments and wants to pay for his car insurance because he doesn't have any. As for me, he continues to tell me that I'm fat, and uses profanity to describe me.
But yet, he gets upset when another man compliments me. He continues to cheat, lie and is still not really looking for a job. He wants to leave and live with his mother and attend a local University in another state. While I hope that he leaves and let me rent out the house, I continue being abused. Finding phone numbers from other women..He will beat me up after he notices that I found out. He will turn off the light, and come up from behind me. The room will be dark and he would put me in a choke hold and punch me continuously in my head and my face. He is a big man also. He is a black belt in martial arts and he has been in the Military for the last 15 years. He has one Battery conviction from another woman that had him arrested. If I try fighting back, he will hurt me even more. He threatens to kill me. He tells me that I have no chains attached to him, yet..He also knows that I have no money to leave.
It seems as though he makes sure that I am always broke. He hasn't worked in over six months, yet, he will go out to the clubs almost every weekend with his friends. The other night, once again, he beat me up because I found out about another woman. he accused me of being nosy, and he let me know that he will do whatever he wanted to do, and if I didn't like it, then I could get out into the streets. I was told that I should have him arrested, but he has already told me that he would just get out within 24 hours, and then he would come back for me. I was finally approved to move into an apartment, but they wanted me to pay an additional month's rent, and I couldn't come up with the $1,300 dollars to move in on the date that they wanted, so I lost the apartment and with that, I lost the $250.00 that I saved up to save the Apartment for me.
I have a good job, but I also pay child support for my two children. Because of the job that I have, they take quite a bit. I don't complain because I want my children to have everything that they need. I even pay for their health insurance. My mother cannot help me because she is not working and they are barely making it. Sometimes, she will send me some of the child support back, but most of it goes into a college fund that my mother set up.
As I'm sitting here today, I see the big bruise on my wrists from blocking one of his punches. I see another bruise that I hid with makeup on my face. After he hits me, he forces me to have sex. The next day, he will force a hug and tell me how much he loves me and how sorry he was that he hurt me. But within a few minutes, he will continue to remind me that I wouldn't get hit if I do what he says. In that book, I know how that woman felt! It's not that women are stupid for staying in those kind of relationships for so long, and it's not like they want to stay in it, but like my boyfriend...He keeps me wrapped in his control. I have no money and no where to go. I make good money, yet I have no money. It's sad. I want my children here, but I could never let them come into this kind of chaos. I would never do that! I keep a journal that I write in everyday. I told one of my good friends that if anything every happened to me by his hands...
Then please give my journals to the proper authorities. I'm trying little by little to put away money. I hope by June, I will have enough put away to get a place. Things are only getting worse. It's a shame when you're hit so many times that you don't even remember the reason any more. I'm afraid one day that he will take my life. He has threatened too so many times. I just don't understand why they don't keep men like these in jail longer! It's not fair. They can beat up someone, and they are let out within 24 hours. It's not long enough and it seems as though it's not even worth the pain of having them arrested. It should be longer, at least long enough for women like me to get a u-haul and move all of my furniture and things out of the house before he gets out..I feel lost and I get so depressed! A very good book. Has me thinking and gives me hope....Thank You : null
